Friday Phrases!

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Tag: Magazine (page 1 of 2)

A Promise Is Kept!

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So … as I churn words all around my head and look for the right ones to say what needs to be said … it’s a lot harder than it looks!
So the other day, when I wrote this blog post right here, I was down in the dumps, to say the least.
I was at rock bottom. I thought my willpower could be shattered no further.
You know that feeling, when you’ve well and truly given up? That great, abyssal hole in your chest that no amount of downtime, sleep and tea can fill …
I had that void inside me that day.
And I tried forgiving myself for it, but it felt like failure, so … I couldn’t live with it in me for even a day. I could not relax with a burning shame that I’d given up so easily (the mental process cleverly omitted the fact that I’ve been struggling for a year without giving up, and now, even that was considered lazy. Damn it, Mind of Lara. You are so mean!)
Then the very next day … I woke up, and I was all glooommy and drooopy and saaad and I just wanted to sleep and shut the world out, because I was gonna ugly cry at every single little thing!
And out of sheer boredom, still at rock bottom, I should add … I went to sit at my laptop, and stare gloomily at a page of my book, which I suddenly had no energy to continue writing.
And I thought, What a horrible way to sit down and try to do something you love.
And that’s when I realized I still believed in that magazine, in the software for that magazine, in the dream I had to bring it to the world … and I opened the back end of the website again.
And …
I did it.
I did what I could not do, in a YEAR. I did everything I dreamed of in the 11th hour. Mere days before my license to that software would expire, and I’d lose it all.
I actually did it.
Yes, so what that compared to other magazines, it looks really rudimentary and sad. So what that we’ll be beginning small and building up … so what that I essentially have no idea what I’m doing …
Some of the best adventures in life begin just like this. The best and most fulfilling adventures.
Now, no one is as surprised as I am, cos’ OMG I DID IT, I ACTUALLY DID IT, but yes, it happened, I’ve pinched myself to make sure and that’s that!
And that’s why, regardless of the level of professionalism invested into the Musae Mosaic Magazine, it will launch after all!
This is honestly an insane thing to have to say, that Musae Mosaic is coming, but it is and I’m OVER THE MOON about it!
At last, this promise will stand, alongside all the others!
One step at a time, I’m getting closer to delivering on everything I said I would, and we, as a community, have another way to share in the magic of words and they ways they can change a world!
Musae Mosaic is back on, guys, and I may sound really giddy right now, because I am, but I swear this will not be an endeavor that’ll end in ashes.
And so, on that note, Musae Mosaic Magazine will be here with the world on the 22nd of this month!
And I hope with all my heart that you’ll be there to welcome it with me, with the GRAY Girls, and with the world 🙂

A Moment To Breathe …

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So … here we are again, guys 🙂
I haven’t done this in a long time … I missed it immensely, blogging, getting to chat to you guys …
But things have just … gone nuts. Again.
I won’t bore you with the details or make more excuses, because there aren’t any. I haven’t been breaking yet another promise in this regard. I haven’t not been doing what I said I’d do, and working my butt off to bring you something beautiful, something to bring us all together, something to abridge the divisions and things created in the beginning of the year …
I made promises I’m doing my very best to keep. One impossibly slow step at a time, and that’s because I’m doing this mostly alone, trying to keep this all together, to keep it all going …
And honestly, it seems like such a small solvable problem, the thing keeping me from honoring this promise. Seems so easy to fix in theory … I don’t have the ability to create a good, functional website technologically.
Sounds like nothing, right?
But fact of the matter is that I’ve been trying for the last year on what feels like an impossible piece of software to do this, to make Musae Mosaic happen.
And today I realized that no matter what I’ll try with that software, it will not yield me any results, because I do not, nor do I think I’ll ever know how to use it.
I’m ashamed to say I lost it a little today, when I was finally defeated by this … I lost it big time.
I feel terrible, because it’s not with this frame of mind that I hasten to the side of my nemesis, overlook our differences and conquer what need be conquered to create something good in this world …
HTML, CSS, Javascript, whatever, it means nothing to me. Everything looks the same. I thus can’t work with any of it. I can’t do anything.
And worst of all, I can’t keep my promises as promptly as I’d like.
That’s the hardest reality to contend with in all of this, that in cannot keep my promises just yet, and I want to, so desperately …
But it isn’t possible.
This software that cost us little bits of our souls to buy a year ago, it expires on the tenth of this month and if I could not create a magazine worth debuting in a year, I won’t make it in a few days.
It cost us so much for nothing, and I still want it to work, but it just won’t. Not without someone who knows how to do this, and I can’t afford that kind of help. My family is in 35k debt in medical bills alone.
So anything short of finding a magic lamp with a genie inside … I can’t fix this.
Not just yet.
And while I’ve been struggling with Musae Mosaic, creating that magazine which will still happen, God as my witness, I’ve neglected #FP … I haven’t been taking good care of it, and I want to. You’re all my best friends.
So letting go of that software before I’ve learned how to honor that exponential investment, it’s hard. Harder still is just knowing I can’t do everything by myself, as I have to, and harder than that is not being able to bring a beautiful place into the world, a place that brings all artists together …
So it’s been a hard day. A long, hard day and I wish I could tell you that I came to some profound realization, but I didn’t.
Just that nothing will ever be let go that easily. And while I’ll have to surrender Thrive Themes, though I am loathe to do so, Musae Mosaic will still take place. One way or another, come sun or rain.
I may have to let it go, for a little while, as I get a head start on other aspects of my promises, but it will happen and I won’t, you have my word, stop working on it until I have done it. Until this labor of love takes true form and takes its place in the world.
In the meantime, I think I need to piece my shattered spirit back together a bit, and forgive myself for my limitations. And then … then I will be back for this whole thing, for Musae Mosaic, and I will make magic happen.
Until next time …

The Name Has Come

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And now, the time has come …
As today is the day that @LoonyMoonyLara, me, turns twenty one and yesterday was @AdeleSGray’s birthday too, we decided to make an event out of it, cos no, there was no space for cake today and that’s not great, but life goes on!
In the event of which, it was also time to release the news about our new magazine project!
The Friday Phrases and 200 Word Tuesday’s blogs go hand in hand. They belong together, how could we ever tear them apart, right?
At the same time, what could we do to give them the breath of life they so desperately needed?
The answer lay within a magazine that would forthwith spearhead all that was to come, all the good things in the future and now, all you awesome people, I have the great privilege of spilling the beans and telling you what we are calling it.
So, gather around!
For the amalgamated #FP and #200WT blogs now come together, to create new programs, new community events, and new opportunities … the phoenix rises from the ashes and the muse is reborn to the spirit of all we do.
For the name of the new project is
THE MUSAE MOSAIC MAGAZINE!
*lets that sink in for a sec*
And yes, the name of the magazine is Musae Mosaic! The ode to the Muses whom we all worship, and a great mosaic made of the arts to create the magic it is!
This is our offering to you.
This is the second chance for everything we have, that we will fight for and never let go.
This is a place of welcome, where words, passion and imagination exist in a realm that is limitless, in a place that exists only to please you.
And word of honor, we uphold that for hopefully time without end!
Let’s make art together!
Let’s make what we love a madness worth celebrating.
Happy April, and happy days!
Peace! x

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