So … as I churn words all around my head and look for the right ones to say what needs to be said … it’s a lot harder than it looks!
So the other day, when I wrote this blog post right here, I was down in the dumps, to say the least.
I was at rock bottom. I thought my willpower could be shattered no further.
You know that feeling, when you’ve well and truly given up? That great, abyssal hole in your chest that no amount of downtime, sleep and tea can fill …
I had that void inside me that day.
And I tried forgiving myself for it, but it felt like failure, so … I couldn’t live with it in me for even a day. I could not relax with a burning shame that I’d given up so easily (the mental process cleverly omitted the fact that I’ve been struggling for a year without giving up, and now, even that was considered lazy. Damn it, Mind of Lara. You are so mean!)
Then the very next day … I woke up, and I was all glooommy and drooopy and saaad and I just wanted to sleep and shut the world out, because I was gonna ugly cry at every single little thing!
And out of sheer boredom, still at rock bottom, I should add … I went to sit at my laptop, and stare gloomily at a page of my book, which I suddenly had no energy to continue writing.
And I thought, What a horrible way to sit down and try to do something you love.
And that’s when I realized I still believed in that magazine, in the software for that magazine, in the dream I had to bring it to the world … and I opened the back end of the website again.
I did it.
I did what I could not do, in a YEAR. I did everything I dreamed of in the 11th hour. Mere days before my license to that software would expire, and I’d lose it all.
I actually did it.
Yes, so what that compared to other magazines, it looks really rudimentary and sad. So what that we’ll be beginning small and building up … so what that I essentially have no idea what I’m doing …
Some of the best adventures in life begin just like this. The best and most fulfilling adventures.
Now, no one is as surprised as I am, cos’ OMG I DID IT, I ACTUALLY DID IT, but yes, it happened, I’ve pinched myself to make sure and that’s that!
And that’s why, regardless of the level of professionalism invested into the Musae Mosaic Magazine, it will launch after all!
This is honestly an insane thing to have to say, that Musae Mosaic is coming, but it is and I’m OVER THE MOON about it!
At last, this promise will stand, alongside all the others!
One step at a time, I’m getting closer to delivering on everything I said I would, and we, as a community, have another way to share in the magic of words and they ways they can change a world!
Musae Mosaic is back on, guys, and I may sound really giddy right now, because I am, but I swear this will not be an endeavor that’ll end in ashes.
And so, on that note, Musae Mosaic Magazine will be here with the world on the 22nd of this month!
And I hope with all my heart that you’ll be there to welcome it with me, with the GRAY Girls, and with the world 🙂