By now I am sure you know the crisis that faces my family and the extent of the issues we face.
My mother is, by now, going blind as there seems to be some damage to the cornea that cannot be repaired, only replaced. This problem has been with her for many, many years as she has had eye problems since childhood when almost going blind and now, it happens again.
The umbilical hernia was just the catalyst of all the problems that she was, the sky-high blood pressure, and the damages to the optic nerve.
Today, she was scheduled to go in for an MRI and that could not take place, so we go again tomorrow at six in the morning and we try all over again.
She is currently experiencing some numbness in her arm and leg, both on the left side, and her doctor is worried this is the precursor to a stroke, which would be catastrophic, as … at the rate she goes now, it would be fatal.
We are four.
Mom, me, Victoria, and the baby, Perri, as she now likes to be called.
We are all that we have.
In life, we have not been rich in money, property, cars, amenities, opportunities … it has been so hard, in this way, to lead four highly creative, imaginative, crazy, loving and totally unqualified people on a life that would give them the opportunities needed.
But we have been so rich in our deep, deep, unchangeable love for each other, art, friends all across the world … in that regard, there are no regrets. None whatsoever.
But, today, my family needs the stability that we have not had the means to achieve in our life. I know, I know that it may sound lazy of us, but for many years, my mother has been a single mom and making it by on the amount that we needed, so that we didn’t suffer.
We have been surviving. Not living. Just making it by so that we didn’t end up on the streets.
And I have thanked god and my mother and everyone who gave us the chance to do that every single day.
But now, I have to give that stability and those reassurances in return. To her and to my sisters, because they are so young and they can’t lose her. I can’t lose her.
As I try to find us all a fighting chance here at home, I find myself needing more and more help, and not knowing where to find it.
I have grown up fast, my whole life, because to be blind to what was happening around me meant that I would not have known how to be there for the ones I loved and who needed me.
And they need me now.
And I … I need you.
More than anything, I need you.
I have nothing to give you but #FridayPhrases and #200WordTuesdays. I have nothing to give you but all my love and support wherever I can.
I am so, so, so sorry about this.
And I feel so guilty for needing to ask, but I have to. I’m not making enough here yet to help get us by, especially since there now seems to be so much more that needs paying for.
This is the woman who has given each of her three daughter’s fairy kisses, which are just nose boops. She calls the fairy kisses. She would steal a chip from each of us to “make sure they weren’t stale.” She would put our milk teeth in a little clay jar that she said the fairies would collect from.
She would wipe away every tear with a smile, she watched us grow up, and become us, she’s a geek, she’s a writer. She wrote this amazing book that none of you have read yet and she wants it to be so perfect, that she still hasn’t published it. She’s a perfectionist, my mom, she likes things perfect.
She loves crazy patterns, but they must be synchronized, otherwise her OCD goes crazy.
She loves the sea.
She likes the colors blue and green together, or green and purple together.
Our birthdays are a day apart. She’s on the 4th of April, and I’m on the 5th. She was in labor with me her whole birthday but on the day that I was born, we became part of each other’s lives forever.
We are each other’s greatest gifts.
My mom, she feels so guilty that you’re giving us so much and she can’t even say thank you, she can’t write to you and tell you how much this means to her. She’s scared of leaving us, because she has nothing she can leave us with.
These are a few things that make up the wonder that is my mother. My beautiful, amazing mom.
And she needs your help. I need your help. My sisters need your help.
However your helps manifests itself …
Please know that I am not doing nothing. Please know that my neglect of #FP and #200WT does not come from laziness, but desperation, this need to absorb all my mother’s pain and let her smile again, see the world with new eyes and a sense of wonder … and not being able to give her that.
Love is so amazing.
Love enriches you in so many way, it comes from all around you and yet, it leaves you in pain that after a lifetime, we cannot comprehend.
I feel that pain now, and it feels like fear.
I love my mother. I love my sisters. I love all of you.
And I need you all like I need the air I breathe.
I need your help to save my family.
More than anything, I need this message to reach as many ears and eyes as possible, because I am not a faceless presence online, I am not an avatar, and a bio. My mother is not an avatar and a bio, she is not a composition of technologies … she and I are human beings and I am begging you to help me save a human life.
To save her and three other human lives …
In the spirit of all that I feel right now, that I can sum up in three words, Love, Life, and Loss, I have a proposition and a project and a way to share the miraculous terror that is love for all whom we hold dear …
Over the next week, I would like to extend my invitations to you all to write a short story, or a poem, or a memory of one or many that you love, for the chance to love them that may have been given or denied, of the loss that you may have lived through or been spared by …
Send them all.
I am hoping to accept up to 100 of these poems and stories.
And I would then like to ask whoever can help format it to help me do so and design a cover for it, and help me publish it as soon as possible, to be paid for, to be bought … and I would like the proceeds to go to my mother’s health fund.
Not only for the health fund, but for the love fund.
For the love of art. For the love of three children and for the love of their mother. For the love of reading and writing. For the love of exploring and seeing the world. For the love of sharing and spreading more and more and more love, as much as possible before God takes what I love most away from me.
For the love of love … I want you to help me with this. I do not have the facilities to do the technicalities, the formatting, the publishing, but for this anthology, I am asking you to believe that we all can make a miracle in a few days.
So that, in dedication to my mother, we can show her what a fighting chance really looks like.
So that she can take into her the strength and love and beauty that I know is out there and somehow eluding us at this time …
Share this message. Share it a thousand times. Anyone who can write is welcome to do so, anyone who wishes to join in.
If you know a cover designer, please tell me. A formatter that I can beg to help me, please tell me. A way out of this terror, please … please show me.
Because I do not alone know the way.
For the love of love … help me. Help my family. Please.
From a daughter that loves too much to lose this time,
Lara M. Savine