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So, here we are … again.
Very soon my online hiatus of five or so days begins and as things are taking shape, so is a lot of panic and terror on my part because, hey, it’s what I do!
Do not worry. It is nothing medical, although tomorrow is another check up day to see if the nameless condition of my mother has been brought down somewhat.
Needless to say, I am chewing on every nail I have and trying not to think of it.
It’s not really working …
But the time has come for some things to end and some to begin.
Over the last few weeks, life has become a routine of fear, panic, sleepless nights, perpetual emotional and physical exhaustion.
Life online has suffered, the system we have for #FridayPhrases and #200WT … and it takes a lot for someone like me to forgive themselves for the error of their ways. I admit, I have not yet forgiven myself, but we’re getting there, one nap at a time, I think.
In any case, the end of February’s line has come and we still stand.
And we think that we have tried. We have each had a war to wage with circumstances being what they are and we are … okay.
A lot poorer than we were the beginning of the year, with no way of ending that. A lot more tired, appreciative of the little opportunities we’ve been given to keep our family together.
A lot more aware of life and how easy it is to see that one, inescapable end staring you in the face. We were given a chance to turn our back, but one day we’ll get there again, and these hours, these mere hours of a lifetime that we get to spend with people who make our lives worthwhile … there is no sum on earth great enough to buy that.
With proper medical care, and this is without the self-righteous ass we had as a “family doctor,” you helped me buy my family a chance. I mean, we thought we were going to lose our mother. That fear does not leave you and it never will, and I know that.
But this chance, it will not be wasted. So much of our lives have been wasted on struggle, on the long battle for plain survival in a world where it seems we have never been wanted. One day, you’ll know all our stories and you’ll see why this is.
And you will know that it ends here.
Your help, in what you have given us in the fundraiser, with your #ForTheLoveofLove submissions, it’s given us a lot more than you know. A lot more hope than you can imagine. And we don’t know what we have that is worth the gifts you have given us, all of you.
And so, this is goodbye to the fundraiser, which I am going to close tomorrow.
To all who contributed, you have … lifted us out of hell. Through useless cortisone treatments, to nights in the hospital, what you have given us may literally have been the difference between life and death, because in my country, if you do not have money, you do not have a life worth saving.
And you saved my mother.
I know I have asked much. I know that the fundraiser has overstayed its welcome. I’ve been trying to find a way to pay for our lives here at home and it has been somewhat impossible, because I am unemployable and I will not find paid work anywhere I look, but I will keep trying.
I’m good at this game, Survival Mode.
So don’t you worry.
We will be rich in so many more ways than just the cold hard cash.
Soon, we will be living the life that we’ve been dreaming of for so long.
And now, as the horror of the last few weeks begin to fade, the beginning steps of that begin to appear!
Now, for the ways that is going to happen, I won’t give too much away now, just that change can be good and this is. I will explain after this hiatus is over, because now, I’m beginning to run out of time and the panic returns!
Things may be wonky for the next few days for both #FP and #200WT. and for that I am so, so sorry, but you’ll see why the wonkiness was necessary soon.
Regarding #ForTheLoveofLove, yes, it is happening and no, I am not giving up on any of the other anthologies we have planned. We were in the brink of finishing things for Framing Fridays, and then my mom fell ill.
Things went insane.
It happens.
But we’re done with languishing and lamenting, so we’ll get it done, and we’ll do that before the apocalypse descends.
The #ForTheLoveofLove deadline has been extended to the 7th of March, when I come back from this hiatus thingy, and please, please, this anthology still can’t happen without you guys! Please! Tell your friends and invite them to share a word or two!
This anthology needs submissions. My family still needs a little bit of help. I swear to all I hold dear, I have a lifetime and I will use it to repay the favors I have been given by all of you, I don’t care what it takes …
Just keep sharing. Keep writing.
Keep believing that all I have, I owe to my family and to you. And it is a debt that deserves the service of a lifetime, therefore I will not ever stop.
Thank you to everyone who has helped us find this little bit of inner peace.
We will do good things with it.
Now from Lara, Adele, Vic and Perri, we love you all and thank you for everything. Thank you for giving us a chance no one else in this world would have.
Thank you.
Lots of love,
The GRAY Girls