Friday Phrases!

Where it's Friday forever!

Category: On musings (page 1 of 79)

A Bee in my Bonnet

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So … welcome back! Wow, I’m rocking the blogging thing after being away for so long, aren’t I? Whoo, go me …
But seriously, we’ve all gotta talk.
So, the world of #FP and #200WT has always been small but mighty, right? And we have the most amazing community of people who have been around from Day 1, who stuck it out with us through some pretty heavy times and we could not be more thankful for that.
But now, with the change in #Friday Phrases and #200WT and #MusaeMosaic and all the things that happens … we are really stretching ourselves thin here. And by we, I actually mean lil’ old me, @LoonyMoonyLara.
As you know, @AdeleSGray is battling a lot of health situations, and still being the warrior she is to get our family going in the world. And that is a huge mission, in itself, so the beautiful world we have online, it’s on me for now.
And I love that. I love being trusted with the confidence, with the friendship of so many people.
But concentrating so many efforts on so many places, it takes a toll. I end up sleeping very little at night, just worrying about the tweets I have to send, and things I’ll have to do … quality of life is very much lessened by worrying about being in so many places at once. And that’s exactly my problem.
Musae Mosaic is going to help with this problem a lot, in that #FridayPhrases and #200WT are going to be in the same place, and I don’t need to bounce between blogs so much.
A problem, however, still resides with the Twitters.
We cannot afford an automater, or one with a premium plan that best suits our purpose, so we cannot keep things going on four different Twitter accounts at the same time, if you follow me.
And we do all of our interacting there! All of it, we just go and we talk to people and were have an amazing time, right? It’s the magic behind #FP, it’s so wonderfully personal! 
I just don’t have enough hands, enough space in my head for so many things.
So that why we’re considering deleting the #200WT twitter account, as the blog is already defunct and making way for Musae Mosaic.
More than that, it seems strange to us to have a Twitter for #FP and not one for #200WT, when they will both still carry on as they’ve always done, but not on an independent website.
At the same time, %90 of our community is on @FridayPhrases and we can’t just start a new twitter to place our efforts … the time that takes …
So you see the dilemma, right?
Now there is a solution that I’m pretty sure I’m going to do and this long winded post is, in a way, just a little preparation for that.
I propose that we keep the #FridayPhrases twitter account for its exact purpose. Hosting #FP every week and interacting with the community. But amalgamating it with #200WT, #S4S, Musae Mosaic and everything else…
In fact, renaming the entire #FridayPhrases account, Musae Mosaic. To concentrate all efforts in one place rather than four, and getting absolutely nowhere at all …
Now I know that after all this time, it’ll be another weird adjustment … but let’s just keep inviting folks to everything they could possibly want in one place, yeah? Make a huge community and welcome all in with open arms. If I can make that happen, you have my vow that everything there will always, always be personally written by me. Every tweet, every favorite, every reply. Not another faceless bot behind a façade …
So what do you say?

A Promise Is Kept!

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So … as I churn words all around my head and look for the right ones to say what needs to be said … it’s a lot harder than it looks!
So the other day, when I wrote this blog post right here, I was down in the dumps, to say the least.
I was at rock bottom. I thought my willpower could be shattered no further.
You know that feeling, when you’ve well and truly given up? That great, abyssal hole in your chest that no amount of downtime, sleep and tea can fill …
I had that void inside me that day.
And I tried forgiving myself for it, but it felt like failure, so … I couldn’t live with it in me for even a day. I could not relax with a burning shame that I’d given up so easily (the mental process cleverly omitted the fact that I’ve been struggling for a year without giving up, and now, even that was considered lazy. Damn it, Mind of Lara. You are so mean!)
Then the very next day … I woke up, and I was all glooommy and drooopy and saaad and I just wanted to sleep and shut the world out, because I was gonna ugly cry at every single little thing!
And out of sheer boredom, still at rock bottom, I should add … I went to sit at my laptop, and stare gloomily at a page of my book, which I suddenly had no energy to continue writing.
And I thought, What a horrible way to sit down and try to do something you love.
And that’s when I realized I still believed in that magazine, in the software for that magazine, in the dream I had to bring it to the world … and I opened the back end of the website again.
And …
I did it.
I did what I could not do, in a YEAR. I did everything I dreamed of in the 11th hour. Mere days before my license to that software would expire, and I’d lose it all.
I actually did it.
Yes, so what that compared to other magazines, it looks really rudimentary and sad. So what that we’ll be beginning small and building up … so what that I essentially have no idea what I’m doing …
Some of the best adventures in life begin just like this. The best and most fulfilling adventures.
Now, no one is as surprised as I am, cos’ OMG I DID IT, I ACTUALLY DID IT, but yes, it happened, I’ve pinched myself to make sure and that’s that!
And that’s why, regardless of the level of professionalism invested into the Musae Mosaic Magazine, it will launch after all!
This is honestly an insane thing to have to say, that Musae Mosaic is coming, but it is and I’m OVER THE MOON about it!
At last, this promise will stand, alongside all the others!
One step at a time, I’m getting closer to delivering on everything I said I would, and we, as a community, have another way to share in the magic of words and they ways they can change a world!
Musae Mosaic is back on, guys, and I may sound really giddy right now, because I am, but I swear this will not be an endeavor that’ll end in ashes.
And so, on that note, Musae Mosaic Magazine will be here with the world on the 22nd of this month!
And I hope with all my heart that you’ll be there to welcome it with me, with the GRAY Girls, and with the world 🙂

A Moment To Breathe …

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So … here we are again, guys 🙂
I haven’t done this in a long time … I missed it immensely, blogging, getting to chat to you guys …
But things have just … gone nuts. Again.
I won’t bore you with the details or make more excuses, because there aren’t any. I haven’t been breaking yet another promise in this regard. I haven’t not been doing what I said I’d do, and working my butt off to bring you something beautiful, something to bring us all together, something to abridge the divisions and things created in the beginning of the year …
I made promises I’m doing my very best to keep. One impossibly slow step at a time, and that’s because I’m doing this mostly alone, trying to keep this all together, to keep it all going …
And honestly, it seems like such a small solvable problem, the thing keeping me from honoring this promise. Seems so easy to fix in theory … I don’t have the ability to create a good, functional website technologically.
Sounds like nothing, right?
But fact of the matter is that I’ve been trying for the last year on what feels like an impossible piece of software to do this, to make Musae Mosaic happen.
And today I realized that no matter what I’ll try with that software, it will not yield me any results, because I do not, nor do I think I’ll ever know how to use it.
I’m ashamed to say I lost it a little today, when I was finally defeated by this … I lost it big time.
I feel terrible, because it’s not with this frame of mind that I hasten to the side of my nemesis, overlook our differences and conquer what need be conquered to create something good in this world …
HTML, CSS, Javascript, whatever, it means nothing to me. Everything looks the same. I thus can’t work with any of it. I can’t do anything.
And worst of all, I can’t keep my promises as promptly as I’d like.
That’s the hardest reality to contend with in all of this, that in cannot keep my promises just yet, and I want to, so desperately …
But it isn’t possible.
This software that cost us little bits of our souls to buy a year ago, it expires on the tenth of this month and if I could not create a magazine worth debuting in a year, I won’t make it in a few days.
It cost us so much for nothing, and I still want it to work, but it just won’t. Not without someone who knows how to do this, and I can’t afford that kind of help. My family is in 35k debt in medical bills alone.
So anything short of finding a magic lamp with a genie inside … I can’t fix this.
Not just yet.
And while I’ve been struggling with Musae Mosaic, creating that magazine which will still happen, God as my witness, I’ve neglected #FP … I haven’t been taking good care of it, and I want to. You’re all my best friends.
So letting go of that software before I’ve learned how to honor that exponential investment, it’s hard. Harder still is just knowing I can’t do everything by myself, as I have to, and harder than that is not being able to bring a beautiful place into the world, a place that brings all artists together …
So it’s been a hard day. A long, hard day and I wish I could tell you that I came to some profound realization, but I didn’t.
Just that nothing will ever be let go that easily. And while I’ll have to surrender Thrive Themes, though I am loathe to do so, Musae Mosaic will still take place. One way or another, come sun or rain.
I may have to let it go, for a little while, as I get a head start on other aspects of my promises, but it will happen and I won’t, you have my word, stop working on it until I have done it. Until this labor of love takes true form and takes its place in the world.
In the meantime, I think I need to piece my shattered spirit back together a bit, and forgive myself for my limitations. And then … then I will be back for this whole thing, for Musae Mosaic, and I will make magic happen.
Until next time …

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